Fangs and Sparkles
by ZephyrNights
Summary: Apalled by the Twilight Saga, Dracula and I have decided to write a fanfic. I have no idea how we'll do, and he isn't paying me. I'm pessimistic about this one... This is an absurd parody. Rated M for language and bizarre ridiculousness. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Warning! This is really daft, and contains strong language. Not suitable for minors, or anyone easily offended, or without an imagination. If you are offended by this, then kindly grow a pair. Of cabbages. Then sell the cabbages for two quid each, and buy yourself an anti offensive hat. It comes in blue, red, green, black, and sanguine aubergine, for the daring.**

_**The following story is insane. Have fun**_

**Fangs and Sparkles.**

I was sitting outside the sunlit café, on the corner of the street, when the crow appeared. It flew down with a flurry of feathers, landing on the chair opposite from mine. I gave it a look, before returning to piling my scones high with clotted cream. People walked by- I got my glass refilled. The bird stayed there, watching me intently. After a moment, I threw my fork at its head. The crow took the impact to the face, the prongs wedged in its left eye, handle vibrating slightly. It didn't budge.

'That wasn't very nice.' It said. I ignored it.

'You know, I always thought the jamb went on first.' It continued. 'Drac always puts the jamb on first.' It paused. 'Then a shitload of blood, then the cream.'

'What do you want?' I asked, irritated. It coughed, and a cigarette fell out of its beak onto the ground.

'Ah fuck.' It said. 'Right, Master's sending a call through now. He's a bit pissed, by the way. Drank a local tavern dry. Alcohol in the blood and all that.'

'Tell him I don't want to talk to him.' I said.

'Putting him through now.'

'I said I don't-'

The crow opened its beak, and emitted a sound much like the ringing of a telephone. I waited for a moment.

'The number you are dialling is unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.' I said. Then-'Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep'

'_Nights, you shit, where are you?'_ The crows voice had changed. It was now slicker, European. Angry. _'Ring me back. This is a matter of importance, and emergency, and if you don't, I'll feed your spine to you with a sledgehammer. Got it?'_

Then the sound of a click and a drone. I sighed, taking another bite of my scone. It tasted of pure freedom. And diabetes.

'I think he's being serious.' said the crow. 'You know what he did to that bloke a while back who refused his request? He turned him into a pendulum by nailing his testicles to the inside of a clock.'

'Fine.' I picked up my mobile, dialling a number into it. It was picked up after the first ring.

'_NIIIIGHTS!'_

The voice was so loud that spittle actually flew from my phone. I held it away from my ear, grimacing. Then tentatively, I put it back.

'Um. Hi?'

'_'''NIGHTS-WHERE-THE-FUCK-ARE-YOU-YOU-WONT-BELIEVE-THIS-SHIT-SWEET-MOTHER-OF-MONKEY-JESUS!'_

'Um. Sorry?'

'_GABLASHIZZLEPIZZLE_! _MOTHERFUCKINGTOASTFAIRY_!' Then a whimper of pure rage. I rolled my eyes.

'Breath, you idiot.'

A pause.

'_Oh, very funny.'_

'You mind telling me what's going on?'

_'Yes_.' The speaker said, and hung up. I waited. My mobile rang again. After three rings of steadying myself, I answered it.

'What I actually meant was no.' the voice said sheepishly. 'As in, I don't mind.'

'Right.'

_'But I need you here, Zephry. This is the biggest disaster to ever have befallen vampire communities. Come to my evil Castle of Dark Shenanigans immediately. I need…'_ He paused dramatically. I swear I heard someone break wind on his side of the line

_' …a writer._'

'Its Zephyr, not Zephry. And why me?' I asked. 'You've got plenty of writers to choose from. Like ones that have actually finished novels, and got them published. And ones that can actually write.'

_'Sell out whores! No, no, no. I need a writer with spirit, who scribes for the joy and imagination of writing! Not someone who'll charge twelve euros for some lump of shit they churned out in five seconds!'_

Despite myself, I put the five second piece of writing that I had been working on, aiming for future publication, under the table. The crow was busy trying to remove the fork from its eye. It hadn't noticed.

'Right. Yes. Well, ok. I'll be right there.'

_'Yes, you certainly will. I've rigged the crow with Teleportation Awesome Powers. It'll get you here in seconds.'_

'Ok. I'll see you in a bit.' I said, hanging up before he had a chance to speak again. I reached out, grabbing the fork in the crows face, pulling him closer. 'Right. You're going to get us to the CDS. Got it?'

'Hey sexy.'

'And enough of that. I'm sick of birds hitting on me.'

'You're a fucking liar.'

'True.'

The air shimmered, distorting the space around us. I saw half glimpsed vision in the gaps between reality, shifting figures, possible realities. Most of them looked like a giant pizza, if I'm honest.

There was a flash, and we reappeared in the single most awful place imaginable. It was full of singing flowers, gently rolling hills, flying doves, and happy rainbows. It was so vile, that I threw up on the ground- all that came out my mouth were jelly beans.

'Sweet f*ckery! Where the f*ck are we?' I frowned, and tried to swear again. The f-bomb came out censored. I sighed. The crow cocked its head on one side.

'Oh. Yes. We appeared to have ended up in Stephanie Meyer's vision of middle earth.'

'What the f-'

There was another flash, and we were suddenly outside the walls of a dark castle, lightning crackling round its spires.

'-uck.' I finished. 'Oh. Thank Christ. We're out. That was the single most horrifying experience of my life.'

'Too right. Load of shite.' Quoth the raven. 'Right, lets go see Dracs. I think he's in this here castle.

Silence. I shot the raven a look. The banner over the door, reading Castle of Dark Shenanigans had apparently escaped the crow's attention.

'You're a mug.'

'Do you want to go back to Rainbow Mordor?'

'Pleasegodno.'

'Then shush. Come on. Lets in.'

/

Dracula paced around the shadowy room, enraged. I sat in the chair before his desk, watching him stalk to and fro. His teeth gnashed, he pulled at his white hair and moustache, his cloak flapped about the place like the wings of an angry badger with wings. And on the table in front of us, was the entire Twilight Saga, in paperback.

'I can't believe this.' Dracula roared. 'How could anyone do this to us vampires? Who could be so…'

He shook his head. He looked ready to cry. I was tempted to put an arm round him, but abstained for fear that said arm might be dislocated and shoved up one nostril.

'Ok, Dracula. Its bad, I know, but not that bad.'

'Not that bad? Zephry, do you not understand the enormity of this? They sparkle in the sun.'

'Ok. True.'

'IN THE FUCKING SU-'

'Yes. I know. I've read them.'

'Traitor!' Dracula pointed dramatically. The raven hopped onto his finger, and pointed a wing with him. After a pause Dracula asked the bird to get off.

'Listen. I knew something like this would happen. You know what they say, Dracs. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.'

'How much of Stokers' novel have you read Zephry?'

I paused. 'Um. Well, quite a bit.' I thought furiously. 'Oh! I know there's that bit, you know, where you climb face first down…the wall…' I trickled off, watching the expression on his face. He looked more than a bit miffed.

'And yet you've read the entire Twilight Saga.'

'Enemies closer, Dracs.'

He sighed.

'I can't believe this, though. A girl who is so wishy washy and pathetic as a protagonist that she should be offensive to all females, a vampire who is so boring and morally irritating that he's an insult to vampire kind. No fangs, no powers apart from reading minds and being a charisma vacuum. And they both-'

He waved his hands around, and locked the fingers, clapping his palms together. I frowned, trying to decipher what this gesture meant.

'Eat a vertical cookie?'

'Fall in love! They fall in- and this is the premise for the whole series!'

'And the movies I added.'

Dracula paled so much that he came out the other side of the spectrum as a black man.

'There are…movies?'

'Yep.'

The vampire had passed through the anger, and was now in the calm world beyond, where everything was about to die, just not yet.

'What.' He said. It came out a little strained

'Films. They've already made three.'

'Pray tell,' said the vampire. 'H-how do they do…the sparkling in the sun?'

'Its like they covered him in glitter glue. Oh! and they fly around on wires in the first one. It looks like an effect from the old 20th century films whenever they needed flying dinosaurs'.

'I am going to kill everyone.'

'Its been done before. Come on Dracula, you're overreacting. It hardly Darren Shan.'

'Do not speak that name in polite company, Zephyr! And no, its worse. By a long shot.'

'Um, Dracula? Woman gets her arm ripped off, and sown on magically with no repercussions?'

'Still not as bad.'

'Des Tiny?'

'Ok, so its as bad. Fine. But Darren Shan was never this successful.'

'So what do you propose we do?'

'Simple. We are going over to the Twilight Saga, and we are going to rape the hell out of it.' He smiled evilly, so much so that his mouth actually left his face temporarily and went off to kick a squirrel. I frowned.

'So, we're doing what exactly?'

'My dear boy, Zephry-'

'Its Zephyr'

'Zephyr. What we are about to do, will change things. It will bring about the fall of Meyer's vampire world, and all things sparkly. It will bring darkness to the down of Forks, and to the lives of all worshippers of this obscene cult.' He chuckled with evil-right on cue, the lighting crashed.

'We are going to write…a fanfic.'

Above his laughter, the lightning crashed again. It hadn't passed its test, and was having trouble keeping on the roads. The weather police came, and fined him two hundred pounds, with three points on his license. They were thinking that he was drunk, but he passed the breathalyser test, so it was all ok. He was really just a crap driver.

Too bad he read Twilight.


	2. Chapter 2

We took the next flight to America, later that afternoon. Drac did have a private jet, but he'd gone and donated it to the US army so they could carpet bomb some country and lose a war horribly. Neither of us wanted the crow. Instead, we took a plane from Transylvania airport, which cost round about the same as a small, ground to air buffalo, which is a sizeable amount of money if you're as skint we were. We sat back, and settled in for the fourteen hour flight. A hostess came past, offering drinks; I took a J20, Dracula bit her in the knee caps.

'So, what's the plan?' I asked him, after he had finished nursing the slap that the hostess had given him. 'We can't just head in and mess things up on our own. We need a team.'

'I have a list, my dear boy.' He fished it out of his cloak pocket. I scanned it, humming to myself.

'Not bad, not bad. Although I will make an addition.'

I wrote down _Chuck Norris_ beneath the names. Dracula took it back, musing to himself.

'How did I forget him?'

'Simple. You're a tard.'

'Slight, problem, Zephry. Wasn't he the one that threw this very plane to America? I thought I saw him pick us up and lob us across the sea.'

'Yep. And he's the one catching it.' I rolled my eyes. 'Duh. How do you think planes work, Dracula?'

'But surely he can't be throwing this plane and all other planes at the same time'

'You're missing a vital point here.'

'Which is?'

'He's FUCKING CHUCK NORRIS.' I shook my head in exasperation, reclining in my seat. The legs of the person behind me were instantly crippled. I frowned to myself. 'Where's the crow?'

Dracula pointed out of the window. I glanced out, noticing the bird frozen to the wing of the plane, eyes wide. It looked as though it was screaming.

'Fair enough. Well, it would have been an extra seat.'

I thought I heard the muted sound of some one crying _Oh please god help me, oh fucking heeeeeeellll, _but I couldn't be sure. I closed the blind down over the window, and closed my eyes for the rest of the trip.

/

'Welcome to Spain!' said the Spaniard. Dracula and I exchanged glances.

'Fuck that.'

We took the next flight to America.

/

I took my laptop out, and started typing away. There was a shudder, and the plane started to drop out of the sky. Dracula nudged me as a hostess came over, looking reprimanding in her ridiculously tight uniform. It would have looked pretty hot, but it was so tight it was forcing all the blood into her face, so she was about twice as red as she should have been.

'Sir, could you please put your device away? It's upsetting the electronics.'

'Really?' I asked. 'How?'

'Well, sir, our main computer is holding a knife to its wrists, and crying about there being no god. It's very unprofessional.'

I looked out of the window. The clouds were flashing past at an alarming rate. I sighed.

'How long before we hit the ground in a blazing inferno?'

'About five minutes, sir.'

'Oh, well then. Plenty of time.' I settled back to my typing. The hostess looked as though she was going to say something further, but Dracula interrupted her.

'Can I bite your face?'

'No.'

'Oh, ok.' He waved her away, and she went. He looked over at what I was doing.

'Right.' I explained. 'I'm going onto to check out some things. If we're going to do a fanfic, we need to do it properly.'

'Righto, chap.' Dracula had appeared to have acquired a stereotypical British airman accent. I slapped him, and he stopped.

'So, first things first. We need to see how we're going to make this story big, without pandering to the clichés and…well, everything that people love about the Twilight saga.' I mused. 'Lets go on the groups, and see what we find.'

I clicked a couple of times, until I reached the right page. Dracula frowned at the first group.

'What's a "graphic lemon"?'

'Something that I am not going to click on.' I searched the groups, muttering. 'Damn. There are hardly any groups for original fanfic. Its all "Bella gets pregnant this", "Charlie abuses Bella" that. 'All human' seems to be the most originality you can squeeze from people.'

'Maybe the lemon will help?'

'The lemon won't help.'

'Oh. Ok.' Dracula sighed, and went back to his book. He appeared to be reading "Dracula" by Bram Stoker. I rolled my eyes.

'Come on. Help me out here.'

'What would I know Zephry? Now shush, I'm getting to a good bit.'

Fine. I'd work on my own. I looked through the summaries that people had put down on their stories. Half of them apologised, saying that they were 'sorry, they couldn't write good summaries.' I couldn't help but agree.

_Bella and Jacob are have dark secret, but Edward finds out, and he is a café owner. Please revuw!_

'Christ, Dracula. This is like sifting through a literary turd roll.'

'Dude!' said Dracula. 'The count just climbed out of a window!'

'How can we rip apart Twilight when it's already in pieces?'

'I'm willing to bet that the creepy count guy in this is a vampire. That'd be a twist and a half!' Dracula looked up, tapping the cover. 'Sorry, what were you saying?'

'I don't know how we're going to do this, Dracula.' I put my head my hands. Dracula shrugged.

'Well, its simple. We just go along to Forks, write ourselves into the story, and mess about with it from there.'

'That's why we're going to America? How did I not realise?' I exclaimed. Dracula snorted.

'Continuity errors. Duh.'

There was a thud, as the planes falling was abruptly ceased. I looked out of the window. Dracula scratched his head.

'What just happened?'

'Chuck Norris just caught us.'

'Weren't we over the ocean?'

'Yup.'

'What is he standing on?'

'The backs of ten wales, roped together with Thor's intestines.'

'That's pretty badass.'

'Yup.'

One throw, and an hour later, we touched down in the multi state cess-pit that was America.


	3. Chapter 3

We set our headquarters in a hotel, just outside of Forks. It was rainy, cold, and the whole place smelled of mildly homosexual biscuits, but this did not hinder our course in the slightest. Hurrying in from the wind blowing outside, we made our way to the desk, and asked for a room. The person behind the desk said no, but Dracula bared his teeth, reared himself up to his full height, and shot him the balls until he reluctantly consented to us staying for a month. He ungraciously showed us our rooms, before hurrying off to nurse his wounds with a salty bottle of Jack Daniels. Or something.

When the screaming had died down, the two of us sat down around the small table, and waited for the first teammates to arrive. The crow perched on the back of a chair, and lit another cigarette, blowing smoke rings through its tear ducts. I was impressed.

'That's pretty cool.'

'Thanks'

We sat in silence until there was a sharp knock on the door. A man stepped in, wearing a long jacket, arms ending in knives where hands should be. The most striking thing about him was that half his face was a table leg, with a price tag still attached. He sat down heavily on the nearest seat, looking as though he was heavily inebriated. His breath stank of alcohol, and the faintest hint of perfume.

'Right.' He said. 'Bad news lads. Half the guys we asked for declined, saying it was either a stupid-as-fuck idea, or that they were busy.

'Even Chuck Norris?'

'He said it wasn't enough of a challenge. All he'd need to do is roundhouse kick, and it'd solve the problem.'

'Bugger.' I leant back, leant forward again, and took the large nail out of my spine. 'This is a shit chair.' I looked closer at the nail. It had a small tag that read 'Congratulations! You now have herpes.' I sighed, reached inside my jacket, took out an anti std pigeon, and swallowed it whole. Dracula gave me a look.

'Did you just eat a whole pigeon?'

'Yes, and what of it?'

'You selfish fucksucker.'

'Its for medicinal purposes only.' I smiled. 'And it makes you high.'

'Sounds like the stuff I drank downstairs.' Said Tablelegknifehandguy. 'Had one hell of an effect.'

'What was that?'

'Some kind of Jack Daniels, with a weird aftertaste.'

The crow fell off its perch. I kept my face straight.

'Excellent.'

'Right. Anyway, the people we have coming-'

'LOL!' Dracula yelled. I looked at him. He sat back a little sheepish. 'He said 'cum'' A pause. 'It was funny.'

'Right. Anyway.' I looked back at Tablelegknifehandguy. 'Who have we got?'

'Maybe the Magical Ho. But maybe not.'

'Who's the Magical Ho?' Dracula asked. I rolled my eyes.

'Maybe the personification of uncertainty.' I coughed. 'Or maybe not.'

'Oh. What's he like?'

'He can be many things. Or perhaps he can't' I shrugged. 'I don't know much about the Magical Ho.'

'Or maybe you do.' Said Dracula. I smiled.

'Now you're getting it!'

'Or maybe I'm not!'

'Ok, stop it.' I frowned.

'Maybe I won't!'

'If you don't stop, I'll shove this crow so far into your anus that its wings will extend from your ears.'

'Ok, sorry.' He looked at me, shiftily. 'Or maybe I'm not' He whispered.

'Fuck you, Dracula. Fuck you in the eye.'

There was a sharp rap on the door. Before any of us could get up to attend to it, it opened a crack, and a man slid in, wearing a jester's outfit, the bells on his coxcomb jangling merrily. I got up to shake his hand. Tablelegknifehandguy attempted to do the same. I face palmed.

'Fool! Good to see you.'

The crow held up a sign with 'insert Mr T joke here.' written on it. The fool rolled his eyes.

' A pleasure to serve thee, Master Zephyr. 'Tis rare when a halfwits' fame precedes his steps and handshake.'

'You're a funny guy.' I grinned. 'Guys, say hi to the funny clown'

''Tis the times plague when vampires are written about in chick-lit.' The fool gave a little bow, bells ringing.

'_When the red eye'd sparkle, twinkly lit, when the mountains ring with the noise of it, then legends descend to piles of shit.'_ He hopped on the spot, gleefully. I raised an eyebrow.

'That wasn't great, fool.'

The fool shrugged. 'Why do you think I disappear halfway through King Lear? I ran out of material.'

'Fair enough.' I turned back to the others. 'Who else is there?'

'A few are meeting us later.' Dracula said. 'We decided to separate our base of operations, in case the twihards find out where we are, and come with pitchforks and torches.'

'Like they did when they went to burn baby Jesus?' asked Tablelegknifehandguy. I nodded.

'Exactly like when they went to burn baby Jesus.' I paused. 'Wait, what?'

'Have we got a plan yet?' asked the crow. I nodded.

'Something approaching that.'

'Which is?'

'Well, killing them is too blatant.' I got up, and started pacing to and fro. They watched me, intently. 'So is hideous disfigurement. Plus, its been done before. It won't wreck the twihards resolve, and it certainly won't piss them off.' I smiled to myself. 'So. What other ways are there?'

'Rape?'

I looked at Tablelegknifehandguy. 'Why are you even here?'

'The booze is good.'

'Keep telling yourself that.' I shook my head in exasperation before continuing. 'What we need is something that wrecks the whole concept of Twilight. What is the main theme in the saga?'

'Vampires?'

'Naivety?'

'Hunger?'

'Camel porn?'

'Almost. I'm talking about the reason they are so popular. The key element that we twist back on itself.' I grinned at their confused faces. 'The element, my friends, of love.'

'Wait, wait, wait,' exclaimed Dracula. 'Are you talking about alternate pairings? That's all been done before, you said.'

'Oh yes. I'm talking about a pairing so alternate it will shake the foundations of the Twilight saga to its very core.'

'Which is?' They all lent in, eager to hear the words. I paused dramatically. After an hour, they fell asleep. I woke them up with a tactical shot with the herpes nail.

'One of you, and Bella Swan.'

The reactions were, to say the least, rather violent.


	4. Chapter 4

_Meanwhile_

BPOV

I went downstairs that morning, narrating every single thought in my head as I did so, when I saw the whole Cullen clan standing in a row in the living room. They smiled as I came down, and Edward came over to me, clasping my hands.

'Happy Birthday, Bella! We got you a present!'

I was absolutely amazed, and my eyes widened like a deers' in oncoming headlights. On one hand, a present was amazing, and I almost cried at the fact that they had gone to so much trouble to get me something (I was weak and female, so absolutely every single event that ever happened to me left me short of breath and with tears in my eyes). On the other hand, I didn't like presents because it meant that I was the focus of attention, and, with my self esteem issues, I didn't feel as though I deserved such an honour. I started to hyperventilate with barely any emotion at all.

'Oh, but, oh, you shouldn't have!' I thought I was about to faint. Edward hugged me. I heard Alice's voice chirp behind him.

'Come one Bella, its your birthday! And open it quick, because I want to doll you up later, despite knowing full well that you hate it and that such descriptive sequences are pointless and mind-numbingly dull!'

'I can't believe this.' I sighed. Alice giggled again.

'You have to have presents on your birthday Bella! Duh.'

'Yeah! Duh!' grinned Emmett. 'Silly bitch!'

Rosalie nudged him. He shrugged.

'What? It's just banteeeerrrrrr'

I smiled because it was a joke and I found jokes funny sometimes. At that moment, Jacob walked in, grinning wildly.

'Hey, Bella! I came all the way out to this disgusting place to say hi, and happy birthday! And that I love you.' He turned to Edward. 'I love her, you know.'

Edward's face was expressionless, mainly because Robert Pattinson can't act for shit. 'Yes. I've noticed.'

'And I'll never give up-'

'Yes, you will. She'll have a kid, and that'll be that.'

'What?'

'I said nothing.'

The present was my own piano, made from pure diamond. I gasped when I saw it.

'Are you going to teach me how to play?'

'Of course!'

In my excitement, I fell over, knocking a glass of water. Jacob was there in a flash.

'I got it!' He tore off his top, revealing his ridiculously toned figure underneath. I swear I heard the sound of distant fan-girls squealing sounded from afar. He stood there, grinning, before remembering that there was a point and mopping up the spilt water with his shirt.

I looked at my arm and realised it was broken in ninety seven places, because I was a girl and therefore fragile and helpless. I passed out, woke in the hospital, and came back home the next day, with it fully healed.

'Thanks everyone! This is going to be the best year ever!'

/

ZPOV

Outside, unbeknownst to them, a crow fluttered into the air outside, soaring into the distance, out of sight.

/

'_Ok, massive problem, guys_'

I listened as I drove, hearing Knifehand's voice slur through the mobile. Dracs was sitting next to me, elbow hanging out of the window, head nodding to the music with an expression that resembled an aggressive watermelon that had just eaten a turd. I realised that driving on the road with a mobile was probably dangerous, so, wiping my sweaty brow with a handkerchief, I carefully moved onto the sidewalk, steering with my knees.

'Alright. Name it.'

'_We've got two guys here that turned up uninvited.'_ Knifehand said_. 'Looks like they want to join in our plans, but…well, I dunno.'_

'Right. Who are they?'

'_Well, one calls himself Mannerism Wang.'_ A pause_. 'And he's a giant penis. In a top hat.'_

'Oh. Right.' I replied. 'Well get rid of him. We don't need that kind of crowd messing up our plans.' I heard a brief scuffle on the other end of the line, and a different voice, with a strong British accent, sounded down the phone.

_'Greetings. My name is Mannerism Wang, and I would like to complain about the severe lack of bagel sauce in this establishment. It is to my knowledge that you have indeed been shopping for groceries, and I would desire that this despicable situation is amended instantly.'_

'No. No-one likes you.'

'_Well, sir, perhaps you should suggest that to my horsy biscuit wife, you collywobbling shit.'_

There was a slam as the phone was apparently smashed onto a table, and the line went dead. I turned on my wipers, and cleaned the blood of nineteen pedestrians from my windshield. A minute later the phone rang again. I answered.

'_Right.'_ Knifehand's voice was back. '_I got that sorted. Sorry about all that.'_

'No worries. He does that.' I punched Dracula absentmindedly in the leg. He'd been mouthing off to a group of men sporting rather baggy sportswear. They looked a bit peeved, and one called Dracula something that could only be discernable as 'bitch'. 'So who's the other one?'

'_That's the thing, Zephyr. This guy…well it's weird_.'

'Weird?' Such a thought had never occurred to me. 'Weird how?'

'_He looks exactly like Edward Cullen_.'

I froze. Dracula shot me a confused glance. Very, very slowly, I spoke.

'Colour of the eyes?'

'_That's the only difference. They're red._'

I put my foot down, heading back to Forks. My heart was racing, and as I drove, a smile played across my lips. I don't know what it was playing. Probably some metal, or something badass.

'Don't send him away, Knives. I think we've found Darkward.'

TBC

_**If you're enjoying this idiocy, say so! I fucking love inflating my ego!**_

_**But seriously, review. Bitch.**_


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